Holding Back the Tears
by hersilhouette
Summary: Following the story of James Potter and Lily Evan's seventh year. Will James ever get the girl he's lusted over his entire life? Read about the romance, angst and tragedy that pursues their lives, and just how important friends can be.
1. The Return

_Dear Lily,_

_How has your summer been? Mine's been great. Venice must be one of the most beautiful places on Earth. We visited this place like Diagon Alley while we were there; it sells some truly rare potion ingredients, pets, and so much more. How have you and Audrey been? I've missed you both so much…having my brother around is absolute torture._

_Anyway, the main reason I wrote was to congratulate you on Head Girl! Yes, I know you got the badge; I didn't need to ask anyone. _

_So I guess I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express tomorrow. Hope you're doing well._

_Love, Jessica._

Lily smiled as she read the letter. She'd been stuck at home for so long, so hearing from one of her friends was a relief. Jessica Burke and Audrey Bellamont were her two closest and best friends. They'd first met on the train to school, and had been inseparable ever since. Sure, they had their arguments from time to time, but they worked through them and their friendship became even stronger after.

Lily could hardly contain her excitement. She had been counting down the days until school began and completing every last bit of her homework. Lily Evans was an extremely clever girl, and a much loved student at Hogwarts. She was quick with a wand, and especially skilled at Charms, which was her favourite subject.

Lily glanced over at her belongings, all folded and neatly piled at the end of her bed. Sitting on top of her freshly laundered school robes sat her Head Girl badge. She wondered to herself who had been made Head Boy. She secretly hoped it was someone she would be able to get along with, as they would be working and doing night patrol together.

_Maybe Remus is Head Boy, _she thought to herself. _He's the kind of student Dumbledore would choose…smart and responsible…or maybe it's a Ravenclaw. Dean Macmillan…or Alex Brown. _

Slightly tired, but with these thoughts still in her head, Lily changed out of her clothes and into her pyjamas, falling into a deep sleep as her head hit the pillow.

Miles away, two dark haired boys sat awake in bed, chatting, far past their bedtime.

* * *

"Who do you think it is, then?" James Potter asked the boy next to him. "Head Girl, I mean."

"Well I wouldn't get your hopes up Prongs, but my bet's on Evans." The boy named Sirius Black replied.

"Really? Night patrols with Evans…" James muttered.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "The closest your going to get to Evans in the middle of an empty corridor, is being hexed." He said matter of factly.

"Padfoot, this is my year." James said, staring off into the distance. "This year Lily Evans is going to realise her true feelings for me. Then we'll date, get married and have lots of little Lilys and Jamesies."

Sirius coughed loudly.

James recovered from his reverie. "Ok, maybe your theory is a little closer." He admitted.

"Prongs…no offence, but you've liked Evans since…first year? I mean I know you've dated other girls…but why is it always about her? Is it that hard to get over her?" Sirius said slowly.

James thought carefully before speaking. "I guess it's always been about her," he whispered. "She's smart, beautiful and caring."

"And?" Sirius said, pushing James to speak.

"She hates me." He replied, sighing.

* * *

The Hogwarts Express stood in front of Lily, gleaming in the sunlight. She scanned her eyes through the mass of students, looking for Jessica and Audrey.

"LILY!" screamed a voice behind her, before she nearly fell to the ground, as a certain brunette jumped on her.

"Jessica!" she cried, her voice muffled. Jessica finally let go of her, and Lily was able to see how much her friend had changed over the summer.

Jessica Burke was a tall seventh year. She had long, dark brown hair, and her eyes were always gleaming. She had managed to gain quite a tan, during the summer. "How have you been? Did you get my letter?" she said.

"Of course. I've been great! I still don't get how you knew I was made Head Girl." Lily replied.

Jessica waved her hand aside, as if the answer was obvious. "Lily, no-one else even had a chance of getting that badge while you've been-"

She was interrupted by the yelling of another girl. "Audrey!" Lily and Jessica both screamed together, turning around to see the last of the trio.

Audrey had short blonde hair and blue eyes. Her mother was a beautiful French woman, and many of her looks had been passed on to her daughter. Audrey was rather tall and slender, and girls were often jealous of her looks. A rumour had been spread around the previous year, that Audrey's aunt was a Veela, causing girls to glare at her in the corridors. The boys however, didn't seem to care. Audrey was often asked to go to Hogsmeade, but none of her boyfriends seemed to last very long.

The three girls got on the train, still gossiping about their holidays, boys and anything of else that was of interest. As they searched for a compartment, Lily suddenly remembered.

"Sorry guys," she said. "I nearly forgot! I've got to get to the head's compartment quickly. I'll try and get back as soon as possible."

Lily departed from her friends and weaved her way through the crowd, to the front of the train. When she reached her destination, she slid open the door of the compartment to see none other than –

"Potter?" she said, stopping in her tracks.

"Evans," he said, grinning at her. "Knew it'd be you."

"You…you're…Head Boy?" she stuttered, staring at him.

"The one and only." He said, ruffling his hair. "So…are we going to give the prefects their instructions?"

"Um…yes, whatever." She said, still recovering from the shock.

_Something is different about him, _she thought. _Maybe it's the way he's holding himself? Or maybe he's actually changing, Lily…maybe he's suddenly stopped being the self-centred prat he used to be._

Lily shook her head. How could she possible think James Potter had changed? He was still the same person who asked her out every day, ruffled his hair, and showed off in front of everyone. Someone like that couldn't change so soon…

_She's got that look, _James thought to himself. _That one where she's thinking to herself, she looks so focused. _He grinned. _She looks beautiful as always…if only I had a chance to show her how much she means to me…_

The Head Boy and Girl did not have much time for contemplating; they had to give out the instructions. Lily decided to let James speak first.

"Hi," he said, to the fifth years who sat before them. "I'm James Potter, and this is Lily Evans." He gestured next to him. "We're your Head Boy and Girl, and if you have any problems, be sure to let us know."

Lily now took over. "So all we need for you to do right now is get in to pairs and start patrolling the train. Once you're done, you may go back to your usual compartments. Congratulations on becoming prefects." She said, smiling at them. The red headed boy listening to her smiled back, blushing slightly. James and Lily both noticed this. James looked at her, but she just ignored him.

Leaving the compartment, Lily turned to join her friends, but felt a hand stop her.

"Yes, Potter?" she said, a little more harsh then she meant.

"You haven't changed your mind about going out with me, then? He grinned, hopefully.

Lily suddenly realised he hadn't changed. "Of course not." She snapped, and left him standing there, looking slightly lonely.

* * *

**Disclaimer: Yeah, it's all J.K.'s. **

**Please R&R!**


	2. Midnight Patrol

**Chapter Two**

Lily pushed open the door to her friends' compartment with slightly too much force, causing the glass to shatter.

"Reparo," she muttered angrily, pointing her wand at the damage.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lily," Audrey stared at her friend. "What's got you in such a bad mood?"

"James Potter." Lily replied shortly, sitting down. "That prat is Head Boy."

Jessica suddenly cracked up laughing. "Sorry…" she said weakly. "But you know I always thought you two would make the perfect couple. Despite your… differences."

"The perfect couple?" Lily gaped at her friend. "Sorry, but there is no way on this bloody planet that James Potter and I could even have a friendship, let alone something more."

"Aw, Lils," Audrey said, sitting down next to Lily and putting an arm around her. "Look on the bright side. At least you don't have Sirius – "

She was cut off by the door of the compartment opening. Standing there were James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, otherwise known by the entire student population as the Marauders. However, no-one but the Marauders seemed to know why.

"- constantly following you." Audrey muttered under her breath.

"Audrey!" Sirius cried, collapsing in the spot next to her. "My favourite person!"

Audrey replied by clicking her tongue impatiently.

Remus and Peter, meanwhile, decided to take their places next to Jessica, leaving James a spot opposite Lily. Lily took this as a hint to look away.

"Aw, come on, Evans." James said, ruffling his hair once more. "Do you really think you'll catch a disease if you look at me too long?"

"Yes," was all Lily said in reply. James grinned, and continued to stare at her.

"So…" Jessica said, trying to start conversation. "I heard you're Quidditch captain this year, Potter? I was thinking of trying out for Chaser."

"Are you serious?" Lily and Audrey gasped.

"Yes?" Sirius replied, jerking his head at the sound of the word.

"Oh, shut up." Everyone said as one, and Sirius pretended to fall asleep on Audrey's shoulder. She pushed his head off. He shot her his puppy-dog face.

"Don't even try." Audrey muttered, dangerously, pointing a finger at him.

"So are you really thinking of trying out for Chaser?" Lily asked Jessica. "What about the last two years, where you whinged about how annoying Quidditch could be?"

Jessica wrinkled her nose. "That's when I was going out with that Dirk idiot from Hufflepuff. All he ever talked about was Quidditch, and how _great_ a keeper he was. Now that I'm done with him, I have a lot more respect for the game."

"Good on you," James said. "I'm holding tryouts in the first week…so be sure to turn up."

"Yeah, we'll come watch you, Jess!" Audrey said, nodding.

Sirius began imitating her, nodding vigorously, and received a slap on the head.

* * *

Lily walked through the doors in to the Great Hall, which was already full of students.

_This is home, _she thought. _Away from Petunia and her idiotic boyfriend, Vernon. Back to the magical world in which she truly belonged._

Lily, Audrey and Jessica found seats at the far end of the Gryffindor table. To their annoyance (Lily's and Audrey's especially), the Marauders decided to sit with them.

Lily felt her stomach rumble, and wished the Sorting would pass quickly. It did, luckily, and the hall was full of buzzing conversation.

Professor Dumbledore suddenly stood up to deliver his speech, and the hall fell silent. "Welcome, those old and new. Welcome to those too young for even a certain spell to be crammed into their heads, and welcome to those so old that their poor eyesight has lead them to wear half-moon spectacles. Now, tuck in." He sat down, leaving all students, especially first years, puzzled.

"Hi beautiful," Sirius addressed Audrey, his mouth already stuffed full of potato.

She glared at him. "Hi annoying," and continued to eat.

Remus and Peter, meanwhile were discussing what classes they were taking for the year, and how often they planned on studying for their NEWTs.

"Do you think eight hours a day will be enough?" squeaked Peter, accidentily choking on his pumpkin juice.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Live a little, Wormtail," he said, waving his arms around.

"What is it with you guys and those strange nicknames?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, why are you called "Padfoot"?" Jessica asked Sirius.

Sirius coughed and looked at James for support. "Uh…well," James began. "Everyone likes to think of what animal they'd like to be at some stage, right?"

"No?" Audrey interrupted.

"Erm…well, it was Sirius' idea." James said, pointing across the table.

"Thanks heaps, mate," was the reply.

"Well James has always wanted to be a stag…so he gets the name Prongs. I am the loyal dog, so I get Padfoot. Peter's kind of small, so he's just a rat. And Remus…well he just likes the name Moony…" Sirius' voice trailed off.

"Did I ever mention you're off your rocker?" Audrey asked, in mock concern.

"Well…yes." Sirius admitted. "But I bet you've also mentioned how irresistible you find me." He added, winking.

James decided this would be a good time to turn the topic of conversation around.

"McGonagall asked me to hold tryouts this Thursday." He said. "So Sirius, Jess, you'll be there?"

"Of course." Jessica said. "Lily, why don't you try out for Chaser? Even if I make the team, we'll still need one more. You know you're good on a broom."

Lily was unsure about this. "Um…well, I don't really think –"

"Excellent!" James cut her off. "See you Thursday, 5 o' clock then." He said, winking at her.

"Jessica!" Lily said loudly.

* * *

Lily ran up to her dormitory to grab her scarf, and then met James outside the portrait hole to begin patrolling the corridors.

"Where to first?" he asked, kindly.

_Why's he being so nice? _Came the voice inside Lily's head. _How can he be so terribly annoying in one situation, and then start acting politely towards me the next?_

She shook her head. "Let's try the 4th floor," she suggested. "And the broom cupboards. There's most likely to be snogging couples that should be in bed."

"You seem to know a lot about that," he told her, flashing one of his grins.

She shrugged. "Amos Diggory used to take me there." She said. "After I dumped him, he started bringing a different girl to the same room every night."

James stared at her. "You went out with Diggory? That idiot? You could do so much better than him."

"Oh really?" Lily said bitterly. "And I suppose you think you qualify to be on the list of people I could do better with?"

James scratched his head. "I never said that. I just mean…well, you should be happy. And Diggory's not the guy for that. I know that at the least."

Lily could not think of a reply for this, and pulled open the door of a broom cupboard. Inside, Amos Diggory was tightly embraced with a blonde Ravenclaw girl, their lips locked.

"Out." Lily said, menacingly. "Ten points from each of your houses. Now get to bed."

Diggory and the girl, who Lily recognised as Ashley Parker, stalked off, glaring at the Head Boy and Girl.

Lily felt a hand on her shoulder, causing her to spin around. It was James.

"Don't touch me." She snapped. "I don't need you trying to make me feel better, when I'm really quite fine."

She sighed. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

**Not a great chapter...I know. Next one will be very long, I promise. :D**

**Disclaimer: Nothing but the storyline.**


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